AN ODE TO THE CHEAP…

Posted on April 22, 2007

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an open letter to wal-mart…

dear wal-mart –

while i do enjoy your low prices and large selection of junk, may i suggest a few things?

1. your greeters are swell, though, after they give you a cart & direct you into the store, please advise them not to offer their life story. it makes me look like a rude, rude girl when i smirk and walk away mid speech.

2. water your flowers. the poor things look parched.

3. move your cow poo mulch & soil to the outside portion of your garden store. it’s quite unpleasant to smell poo and smell like poo while browsing for toys.

4. the pony you are selling for $300 is scary. to me. to my child. to the little old lady who bumped her cart into the faux pony corral. perhaps you can move it to your outdoor garden store – next to the cow poo mulch & soil.

5. the 88 cent thing is not fooling anyone. if you’re going to advertise “falling prices”, make them fall farther from 99 cents. $8.99 and $8.88 are pretty much the same thing to me. to my child. to the little old lady who bumped her cart into the faux pony corral.

6. mop your floors.

7. vacuum your carpets.

8. remove expired perishables from the shelves. while it is a surprise to get home and find that my cottage cheese expired last week, it’s not a nice one, especially when i’m hungry. also, when i bring said cottage cheese back with said receipt, do not huff at me like a 15 year old girl. apologize and refund my $2.88.

9. open more than 2 lanes, with people for cashiers. your self checkouts just mean i have to do more work – and since i’ve been shopping in your store, i’ve done enough work (ie. checking expiration dates, avoiding your faux pony, manuevering away from your manure).

10. please ask your greasy “automotive expert” not to hit on me. not only is it inappropriate, it’s also GROSS to hear “hey baby, you come here often” while looking for a car freshener. NOTE TO “AUTOMOTIVE EXPERT” – i do not need your help finding a car freshener, no i do not want you to show me a chick ornament, please take a shower.

sincerely,
danyelle scheibeck

ps. please fire your “automotive expert”. he’s creepy.

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Posted in: forgotten stuff