ONLY B/C I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT…

Posted on February 6, 2008

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this will be the one & only time this will be discussed typed (and it may actually end up deleted)…

when i was about 23, i decided i wanted to have kid. see… doesn’t that sound funny?! stupid? jacked up?!!!

so, yes, i wanted to have kidS. not a plethora of rug rats, just 2… maybe 3. and now, i have chase – the most perfect abuser ever. and he’s enough. he will ALWAYS be enough. and no, i don’t have to convince myself of so. BUT… i do want kidS. BUT… will it ever happen?

you see… before chase, there was baby that didn’t happen. and then there was surgery that pretty much helped him happen. and now… there is nothing but a big fat nothing b/c nothing is happening and i can do nothing about it to make it happen. so yea, nothing. and if nothing can happen to explain why nothing is happening, then i’m OK with knowing that nothing will happen, but i need to know that nothing can happen. OMG. i need some downers. or is it uppers? (i so do not condone drug use – i’m talking candy here, y’all.)

anyway… about 10 months ago, we decided we were probably almost ready to possibly try to have another. i mean, seriously, chase turned out so fabulously that the 2nd couldn’t possibly be any less. and that was 10 months ago. going on 11. almost a freakin’ year! and i know, this probably isn’t the most opportune time to be thinking about all of this, with my mom recently gone and us moving across the country and wouldn’t it suck to have morning sickness in the car, but still it’s been 10 months. almost 11. and it’s just about all i think about – in between swats from the most amazing child on earth (aka chase). so… next week, i get some tests done to at least tell me if it will really never happen.

so there.

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