Posted on May 11, 2008


my mother once told me i needed to do whatever made me happy, even it meant doing things that didn’t seem to be easy (ok, so she said that more than once – shut up).

HAPPY –adjective

1.  delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing

2.  characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy

so, in light of mother’s day (the first without MY mother), i present you with these sappy thoughts…

* silly monkey.  there are no words in the english language (or any language for that matter) that could ever express how much love i have for my child.  even with the frustration of a recent separation anxiety issue, it only makes me feel more close to him.  from the moment he was born, i knew i had been more blessed than any other.  and while he may be my only baby, ever, i am OK with that.  i am more than ok knowing that my heart will always be happy because the baby i carried is my silly monkey.

* my mom.  it’s been nearly a year since she passed.  in that time, i haven’t had the best days or even good days, but i always feel that somehow she is with me.  when “m” left, i didn’t cry or even feel sorry for myself.  and it was b/c i heard her voice and her words telling me that happiness is only as happy as you make it.  pretending that everything is just fine only makes misery.  my mom is my strength.  and i miss her.  i miss her every moment of everyday.

* memories.  not just mine, but silly monkey‘s.  the other day, he looked at a photo of my mom (from about 30 years ago) and said, “gramma”.  i looked at him, stunned, b/c he had never seen that photo before, yet he knew exactly who his grandma was is.  when my mom passed, silly monkey was barely a year old, yet he has retained memories of her.  it is truly amazing.

i really could go on and on about the people and things i love, the people and things i cherish, the people and things i think about most, but i won’t.

if you still have your mother, hug her and love her, tell her you need her.  and if she is gone, like my mom, do the same.  she’ll be listening.

Posted in: family stuff