Posted on June 10, 2008


it took over 2 hours to get silly monkey to sleep tonight. every time i would leave his room, he cried hysterically- tears streaming down his face, barely able to breathe. it hurt my heart.

at one point, i had to leave his room. it was just for a moment and trying to explain to silly monkey that mommy had to potty was impossible over his wailing. and he grabbed onto me. and he wouldn’t let go. so i did a horrible thing and locked (with a child-proofing handle thingy, of course) him in his room.

for 2 minutes that felt more like 2 years, i heard him try with all his might to open his door. and in between all 5 tries, i heard his little feet patter back to his bed. the screaming didn’t stop the whole time.

i quietly peeked in his room and found that he had taken my photo off his wall (one i had placed next to his bed in a vain attempt to convince him that i will always be with him) and placed it next to his pillow.  he was staring at it.  he was still crying.  and i started to cry.

i melted.  i gave in.  i cuddled with him for 45 minutes.  and when he was almost asleep, i retreated to the floor to read a book – still in plain view to keep him comforted.

i hate that he’s afraid he won’t see me when he wakes up.  i hate that he’s scared enough at 3am to rush into my room and climb in bed next to me.  but… i LOVE that he loves me and LOVE that i am what comforts him.  one day, we’ll get this straightened out… one day.

Posted in: family stuff