B/C I COULDN’T HEAR HER LAUGH ANYMORE…

Posted on May 14, 2009

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the days before mother’s day were rough…

i don’t know if it was the anticipation of the day or that just a few weeks before, my baby turned three.  or if it was all of that and a combination of passing what would have been my 4th wedding anniversary, as well as the 4th anniversary of losing my first baby.  or maybe i was just plain missing my mom.  whatever it was, i completely lost it. 

as the night went on, i grew tired and started thinking more & more about my mom, which made me realize that OMG, i can’t hear her laugh anymore.  her voice has disappeared from my memory.  her mannerisms… i can’t see them!  and i yanked out about 10 photo albums and searched and searched and searched for photos of the faces she used to make and i.  completely.  and utterly.  fell.  apart.   

i cried.  and cried.  and cried.  so much so that my head hurt.  and my heart hurt.  and it felt like i stopped breathing for an eternity.  i couldn’t speak. 

and i knew i needed support.  someone to just sit with me and tell me it would be ok.  someone who would rush over at 1130pm just b/c they care about me and understand that i lost the one person, other than my child, that meant everything to me.  someone so close to their own mother that they would completely get that it truly could feel like the world was closing in on them, to be without her.

and she rushed over. 

no questions asked.  she rushed over.

and she sat with me.  and laughed with me.  and she listened.  and listened.  and she let me show her my photos.  and tell stories about my mom.  and she hugged me.  and never, ever judged my makeup-free, tear stained, booger covered face. 

and when i was finally ok… when i could finally breathe again, she told me everything would be ok. 

ejandd-1-1

i haven’t had a friend like that in a long, long time.  someone so selfless, so supportive, so loving.  someone who drops everything, at any hour, just because.  a true friend. 

ej will make an amazing wife one day.  she’ll make an amazing mother one day.  but until then, ej should know that she is an amazing daughter.  and an amazing friend.  and i will tell her so every day she is in my life.

 

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