SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, BENEATH THE PALE MOONLIGHT, SOMEONE’S THINKING OF ME & LOVING ME TONIGHT…

Posted on August 19, 2009

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alternate title #1 = “promises, promises…”
alternate title #2 = “sitting around waiting for a boy to call…”

i miss my silly monkey.  he’s been on vacation with M and i won’t see him again for another 11 days.   obviously not an uncommon happening considering the divorce rate in the country.  but, i digress…

most single moms would be rejoicing in the silence.  the clean house.  the lack of mounds of toddlerbig boy laundry.  the geez, please put your toys away, oh wait… i already put them away and you aren’t here to take them out and play with them and make funny train  noises until i tell you to put them away again. 

but me?  i’m so sad.  you see, we’ve never been apart for more than 3 days at a time.  NEVER.  and even at that point, we’ve talked on the phone.  silly monkey likes to hear my voice and i like to hear his.  i’ve been the number 1 constant in  his life since before he was born.  and he has been mine.

before he went on his vacation, we talked extensively about the fact that we wouldn’t see each other for a while.  i reminded him that he was going to have a great time swimming with his cousins, roasting marshmallows with his gramps and sailing around with M.  he was ready… until the fateful morning before his 16 days without me.  he cried that he wanted to see me.  i stayed strong and upbeat and again, reminded him of all the fun he was going to have.  we gave each other lots & lots of hugs and lots & lots of kisses.  and i promised to call him.  and he promised to call me.  and that was that. 

i’ve had lovely conversations with silly monkey twice since he’s been gone.  i’m sure he’s having a great time doing to marshmallow roasting and the sailing and the swimming and the running around, but each time we’ve talked, he tells me he misses me and he wants to come home and see me.  it’s heart-wrenching.  and i wish he was having more fun, though, in reality, i’m pretty sure it’s not so much that he isn’t having fun, but he is surely overwhelmed…

mommy, there was a spider in my bike trailer and i don’t like it.
just ask daddy to make it go away.  daddy will take care of it.
and i got a boo boo on my knee.  and i need to see you to kiss it.
when i see you, i will kiss it.  i promise.

i just want to come home.  i just want to see you.
we’ll see each other soon.  and we’ll talk again very soon, too.  so you go have lots of fun swimming and putting marshmallows in the fire!
ok, mommy.  i love you so much.  i miss you so much.
i love you and i miss you so much, too, silly monkey.  

perhaps silly monkey is playing it up a bit b/c i’m mommy and he knows mommy will listen to anything he says.  i don’t doubt that he misses me and that he’s overwhelmed, but does that warrant tears and whining when he’s out with no fences, free to jump in a lake and ride around on a boat?  i don’t know.  part of me hopes that he’s playing it up a bit, for his sake, but in my heart, i’m pretty sure he really does want to come home. 

on a side note:  i know a lot of parents that lie to their kids.  little white lies, such as, “if you’re good, we’ll go get ice cream” and then no ice cream, leaving the little kiddies wondering what they did wrong to make no ice cream happen.   i think that’s awful.  these parents think it’s part of life (you bribe your kid into behaving and then… take away the prize?  no wonder they’re little tyrants.  no wonder they don’t listen. ) and they feel that it causes no harm.  i completely disagree.  lying to your kids just teaches them how to lie.  it teaches them that it’s OK to lie.  it shows them that no one’s word is true.  and THAT is NOT ok with me. 

if i promise silly monkey a trip to the zoo, silly monkey gets a trip to the zoo.  if i tell silly monkey he gets a lollipop if he behaves for the doctor, he gets a lollipop if he behaves.  sure, he’s a bit spoiled, (what only child of a single mother isn’t?) but he also knows what “no” means.

so…  i hope he’s having an amazing time.  and i’ll keep periodically talking to him over these next 11 days b/c i promised him i would.  and i always keep my promises. 

** post title:  somewhere out there, an american tail

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