Posted on October 7, 2009


i didn’t turn the tv on until 1130pm last night.  that’s pretty amazing considering i turn the tv on the second i get home from work most days.  not that i actually watch what’s on the tv, but it serves as background noise, especially on those days that i am not greeted by silly monkey at the door.  and those days are eerily quiet.  too quiet, really.

but i digress.  i wasn’t feeling well.  i had so much on my mind that my shoulders felt heavy.  i was tired.  not ready-for-bed tired, just… emotionally exhausted.  i’ve been waiting for these days to come for so, so long.  and now that they’re here… it’s strange.  kind of like those eerily quiet days when silly monkey isn’t home.  so i guess i felt eerily exhausted.  too exhausted, really.

i probably could have fallen asleep.  but i didn’t want to sleep the evening away when i had important things to do, like cleaning and laundry.  that and i knew if i slept and slept, i’d wake up feeling icky and i do not like waking up and feeling icky.  although, i already felt eerily icky.  too icky, really.

so i cleaned up the house.  folded and put away a bunch of laundry, which i hate, but do b/c it sucks to have nothing to wear that isn’t covered in cat hair and wrinkles, though everything i own is covered in cat hair, though not so much wrinkled, since i actually fold and/or hang up my clothes these days, like a grown up.  am i a grown up?  ugh.  i am a grown up.  i am so grown up.  eerily grown up.  too grown up, really. 

and then i piddled around on the inet to perhaps unload a few things from my already cluttered life b/c they are just sitting around greedily staring at me and reminding me that i don’t need them, i never needed them and i certainly don’t still want them.  it’s mind clutter.  it’s house clutter.  and i hate clutter.  but i have so much clutter.  and so i put them out there.  to unload them.  but they were still greedily staring at me.  eerily greedily.  too greedily, really. 

and then i started thinking again.  about how my life has ended up where it is today.  how complicated so many uncomplicated things have become.  how serious so many light subjects have become.  how unnecessary so many unnecessary things have become so necessary.  and i held back a few tears b/c this is it.  in a month or so, i’ll finally be free.  completely, totally, without a doubt, yet eerily free.  oh so deservedly free, really.