THE MORAL OF “SNOW WHITE” IS NEVER EAT APPLES…

Posted on November 9, 2009

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ALTERNATE POST TITLE = EIGHT STEPS TO GET RID OF THE TEN BILLION POUNDS OF APPLES YOU PICKED WITH LOVE FROM THE TREES THOUGH CAN’T EAT RAW B/C YOU’LL PUKE FROM APPLE OVERLOAD…

step one:
look at all of your damn left over apples.  granted, they’re fuji and your favorite, but seriously, 80 extra apples?  yea.  do something…

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step two:
start peeling apples.  you don’t even need a plan.  just peel them b/c whatever you decide will most definitely call for apples – cored & peeled.  and by all means, peel them the hard way – with the smallest knife you can find in the drawer…

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step three:
decide to make applesauce b/c everyone eats applesauce (and those that don’t are weird and should move out of the country).  therefore, cut the peeled apples into pieces.  don’t even worry about a cutting board b/c wtf is a cutting board when you have lovely crappy bottom of the line lifestyle communities installed laminate countertops to destroy – accidentally, on purpose…

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step four:
prep your pot.  this is a VERY important step.  ok.  so it’s not THAT important…

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step five:
add the apples to your water/juice mixture from step four.  heat.  highly.  for a good long while.  like when you start to smell them all step seven smelling…

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step six:
do as i say and not as i do and keep the lid on.  with exception of when stirring, which should be done occasionally, or risk step seven…

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step seven:
don’t forget that you are heating apples and go off and play trains and read books and watch an episode of thomas the train and such completely not noticing the burning apples on the stove.  way to go mama…

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step eight:
and since they weren’t really THAT burned, keep stirring and mashing until *voila* APPLESAUCE (that does not taste burnt what-so-ever.  at all.  no, really.)..

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** post title = lemony snicket, the miserable mill

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