YOU PUSH YOURSELF AND PUSH YOURSELF TRYING TO ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE, BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHEN THAT MOMENT COMES, EVERYTHING YOU’VE DONE HAS PREPARED YOU FOR VICTORY…

Posted on December 15, 2009

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i’m sad for my friend…

i know exactly how it feels to not be with the person i thought i would spend my life with.  i know exactly how it feels to know that my 3-year-old will be a big brother, but not b/c it’s me having a baby*.  i know exactly how it feels to have to get past it “all” and move on with my life.  and how i feel is…

ELATED!!!  (this would be the proper time use lots of emoticons, but i HATE emoticons)

i couldn’t be in a better place if i had planned it all out myself.  i made a list, i checked it twice, then a third time and lined things in red and highlighted things in pink and guess what… this is the place i’ve drawn in marker b/c i have dealt with my mistakes and there is no erasing how happy i was yesterday, how happy i am today and how happy i am to know that, wow, this is my life and i am IN LOVE!

but i’m sad for my friend…

she may know all of these things, but she doesn’t yet believe them. 

and i kind of sort of kind of maybe perhaps just a little bit wish i could relate b/c then i could say things like “i know how you feel” and “this is what i did“, but i can’t b/c how i felt was happy and what i did was spring out of bed with determination to laugh at how stupid i had been for far too many years and then only slightly pity the next one who would so willingly take my place in THAT awfully miserable life. 

but, i’m sad for my friend…

and telling her a million things to try and make her see how she is so much better than absolutely zero will only serve to allow her to make excuses for a man that has never had a good excuse for being absolutely zero.  and trying to make her understand that giving him anything more than nothing will only make it harder for her to let go and is certainly pointless b/c i know she wants to cry and scream and break things b/c she herself feels broken beyond repair.  and trying to make her see that she isn’t broken just makes her feel more broken.  and so she cries and screams and asks why…

and i’m sad for my friend b/c i really don’t know what to say.  so i do what i do and i sit and i listen and i make jokes and i give hugs.  b/c i am so very, very, very sad for my friend.

* more on this… to come
** post title = gary, the breakup

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