AS SADNESS WASHES OVER ME…

Posted on December 24, 2009

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this is a christmas of firsts…

it’s the first i’ll celebrate out of my twenties.

gosh, thirty hit me pretty darn hard and i am not appreciating the after effects.  of course, it’s just another number, but i certainly feel like i’ve been smooshed, twisted, picked up and thrown back down to the ground.  i didn’t welcome thirty and now i know why.  it much sucks.

it’s the first i’ll celebrate as a legal divorcee.

this a plus.  the first of many to come.

it’s the first i’ll celebrate without my silly monkey.

this is not a plus.

we celebrated everything one day early – christmas eve eve was our christmas eve and we opened our ONE gift before snuggling up for a movie.  today was our christmas day filled with family and gifts and a honeybaked ham, topped off with our traditional movie outing for a showing of alvin and the chipmunks.

and he’s only been gone for about an hour and i already feel a wave of sadness washing over me.  i figured it would be difficult to watch him go and not expect him home for a week (and hearing him vocalize how much he didn’t want to go), but wow, this is muchMUCHmuch harder than i ever imagined.  i miss my silly monkey.  and i can’t wait to see him.  in one week.

why is it that when you are happy and excited and having the time of your life, real time seems to speed through the days?  and why is it when you are anticipating something, like the return of your heart, that time just drags on and on and on?  this next week is going to feel like an eternity.  and i hate this feeling.  this ridiculously anxious and near tearful feeling.

and while i’m so grateful that this is the first, i do not appreciate that it will not be the only.

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