HOW’S IT FEEL? CONSTANT DENIAL OF EVERYTHING, QUESTIONS ANSWERED WITH A QUESTION…

Posted on January 6, 2010

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i ask myself many questions and when i ran across this “survey”, i thought i would actually take the time answer some…

why not me?
b/c i was strong enough to let it go…

am i nice?
sure. when necessary.

am i doing what i really want to do?
i’m a mommy and it’s all i’ve ever wanted to do.

what am i grateful for?
learning to love myself. sounds so small, but it’s oh so significant.

what’s missing in my life?
nada. i need nothing other than me to complete me. the rest will fall into place… eventually.

am i honest?
always.

do i listen to others?
i do. and i don’t just hear them. i actually listen.

do i work hard?
yes. why work if you aren’t going to put forth your best effort?

do i help others?
with heavy lifting? not so much. in life matters? always. some have gone as far as calling me their “life coach”. i should have been a psychologist. at least then i would get paid for my top-notch advice.

what do i need to change about myself?
my ability to control everyday stresses. i let them get to me far too often to have awesome days every day.

have i hurt others?
i have. and it pains me.

do i complain?
ugh. a lot. but mostly about bad weather and stupid people. things that, unfortunately, can never be eliminated from this planet.

what’s next for me?
remains to be seen…

do i have fun?
more than one should be allowed…

have i seized opportunities?
some. not many.

do i care about others?
more than one should be required…

do i spend enough time with my family?
without a doubt, yes! i love my family!! they are such a huge, important and amazing part of my life. i’d be so lost without their love.

am i open-minded?
as open as a book… that is open…

have i seen enough of the world?
i’ve barely seen this world…

do i judge others?
i do. but i reserve the right to change my mind.

do i take risks?
nope. i am so risk averse it’s humor-less. i’m a planner. spontaneity physically hurts me.

what is my purpose?
to raise a loving and wonderful child… to reverse the terrible effects of the poor influences on his life… to teach him that people are not disposable… to show him not to be careless with anyone’s feelings… to allow him to be who he wants to be… and to be a big part of it all.

what is my biggest fear?
bridges. being on one when it collapses. and clowns. nothing scarier than a clown.

how can i conquer that fear?
um… stay away from bridges and clowns.

do i thank people enough?
i hope so.

am i successful?
figuratively? absolutely. financially? eh.

what am i ashamed of?
allowing myself to be foolish.

do i annoy others?
i’m sure i do.

what are my dreams?
sacred.

am i positive?
i can be. when necessary.

am i negative?
i can be. when necessary.

is there an afterlife?
i’m not entirely sure. this is something i struggle with.

does everything happen for a reason?
no!!!

what can i do to change the world?
raise a loving and wonderful child… reverse the terrible effects of the poor influences on his life… teach him that people are not disposable… show him not to be careless with anyone’s feelings… allow him to be who he wants to be… and be a big part of it all.

what is the most foolish thing i’ve ever done?
married a man who i knew was bad for me… bad for anyone, really. and not valuing myself enough to realize that it would never be right.

am i cheap?
nope.

am i greedy?
sometimes. especially with my time.

who do i love?
silly monkey. my sister. my brother. my family. my friends. simon baker. edward norton. sean patrick flannery.

who do i want to meet?
simon baker. edward norton. sean patrick flannery. you know, mr. right… for me.

where do i want to go?
right now?  to bed.

what am i most proud of?
raising a loving and wonderful child… reversing the terrible effects of the poor influences on his life… teaching him that people are not disposable… showing him not to be careless with anyone’s feelings… allowing him to be who he wants to be… and being a big part of it all.

do i care what others think about me?
not so much.

what are my talents?
too many to list…

do i utilize those talents?
every single day.

what makes me happy?
life. love. laughter.

what makes me sad?
missing my mommy.

what makes me angry?
missing my mommy.

am i satisfied with my appearance?
for the most part, yes. but, i believe we all could use a little improvement.

am i healthy?
not as healthy as i could be, but i’m not a lost cause.

what was the toughest time in my life?
2005-2007: taking care of a newborn and losing my mommy

what was the easiest time in my life?
2005-2007: loving my baby and laughing with my mom

am i selfish?
with myself? yes. it was about time i started thinking about me…

what was the craziest thing i did?
i am not crazy. i do not do crazy things…

what is the craziest thing i want to do?
i would love to take a pole dancing class. see? not crazy.

do i procrastinate?
sometimes.

what is my greatest regret?
not listening to myself… (and marrying a man who i knew was bad for me… bad for anyone, really. and not valuing myself enough to realize that it would never be right.)

what has had the greatest impact on my life?
my mommy’s illness and death.

who has had the greatest impact on my life?
my mommy. and silly monkey.

do i stand up for myself?
i do now.

have i settled for mediocrity?
i did. never again!

do i hold grudges?
i forgive, but i never forget…

do i read enough?
oh my, yes. every day. and i mean books.

do i listen to my heart?
i do now.

do i donate enough to the less fortunate?
i do as much as i possibly can.

do i pray only when i want something?
i can count the number of times i have prayed on one hand. and my prayers have never been for material goods.

do i constantly dwell on the past?
i used to, but i’ve officially cut dwelling out of my vocabulary.

do i let other people’s negativity affect me?
not so much.

do i forgive myself?
relentlessly.

when i help someone do i think “what’s in it for me”?
by no means.

am i aware that someone always has it worse than me?
constantly.

do i smile more than i frown?
yes, yes, yes…

do i surround myself with good people?
yes, yes, yes…

do i take time out for myself?
not as much as i should. i’m working on it.

do i ask enough questions?
scroll up. you answer…

what other questions do i have?
am i done?

** post title – mulder, x files:  one breath [2.8]

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