Posted on March 23, 2010


i’ve done much thinking about friends and friendships lately.  in fact, i’ve felt the need to cleanse this area of my life.  why?  b/c…

it is amazing how you can surround yourself with so many people you can call friends, and yet actually only have one or two real ones.

~ jerry grant blakeney

and i love me and everything i stand for and everything i shy away from b/c…

friendship with oneself is all-important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world.

~ eleanor roosevelt

i’ve spent nearly my entire life surrounded by people who play the victim.  flash the “woe is me” card far too frequently.  complain about anything and everything, perhaps just b/c they love the sound of their own voice…

it is one thing to rant.  it’s quite another to be upset.  but it’s clearly self-absorbed to be oblivious to everyone and everything else.  to move around as if they are the center of the world.

the most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

~katherine mansfield

the truth is, most likely, these friendships have run their course b/c i’m pretty sure i’ve outgrown them.  i have  priorities, obligations and worries that are far too important for me to play co-dependent with adults clearly capable of depending on themselves.  and when i have a rare moment of free time, i want ME time.  i deserve ME time.

i could never regret having certain people in my life.  while i don’t believe “everything happens for a reason” (topic for another post), i do believe that some people are brought into your life to help you become who you are, where you are and allow you to stand where, maybe, you never thought you could stand before.  in fact…

character is so largely affected by associations that we cannot afford to be indifferent as to who and what our friends are. they write their names in our albums, but they do more, they help make us what we are. be therefore careful in selecting them; and when wisely selected, never sacrifice them.

~ m. hulburd, dictionary of burning words of brilliant writers (1895), p. 255

it certainly does not imply that these “friends” are any less (wo)man than i am.  in some cases, these “friends” have amazing hearts.  but an amazing heart does not negate the way words and actions can physically pain someone.  it’s like giving someone a diamond ring, only to be bashed in the face with the very box that kept the diamond safe.   then again, these “friends”  most definitely have diarrhea of the mouth – saying inappropriate things often, while lacking a sensitivity filter (or any filter for that matter).  the problem is that  these are the things that have bothered me, though, not necessary  directed at me, they have certainly been directed at people i love and adore – on occasions too numerous to start counting this late in the game.  in fact, i’d venture to say that if i did start making a list, i’d probably get pretty irritated with things that this/these friend(s) have done and/or said.  there is a proper way to talk to people, especially those you care about.  and those that i care about should be an extension of that respect. 

dare i say that if conversations, of the adult and calm type, should happen, i would be more than open to discussing why these friendships didn’t/haven’t lasted?  sure.  but i certainly don’t have any real hopes in this actually culminating into a sit-down.

i’ve been largely affected by great, non-toxic relationships.  in fact, i can probably count my exceptional friends on one hand.  and i’m ok with that b/c i would much rather have a handful of amazing people in my life than have ten, twenty or even hundreds of acquaintances.  friendships should be complimenting, not exhausting and not emotionally draining.

and quite frankly, i’m exhausted.

** post title = henry adams