Posted on May 11, 2010


i know.  i’m late in posting this.  i am fully aware that mother’s day was a full two days ago and i am fully aware that i should have posted this then and there, but i didn’t b/c i was busy and i’m posting it now so…

sunday morning, after snuggling and breakfast with silly monkey, i checked my facebook.  there.  at the top of my updates was a link to an article titled “i hate mother’s day” (or some variation of those words, though i can’t specifically recall which blog it was on or the actual title).  i felt a bit of a twinge.  the author’s reasons for hating mother’s day are simple:  she feels it perpetuates the notion that women with children are somehow better or more special than those without children.  perhaps i initially balked at it b/c i am a mother, i am special and i have a wonderful child who makes me feel that way each and every day.  but the more i thought about it, the more preposterous it was.  to me, anyway.  and here’s why…

[i am also fully aware that this is about to sound like i’m high atop a soapbox.  that i’m right.  you’re wrong.  BUT that is certainly NOT my intention.  i just want to express why i LOVE mother’s day, as i see fit to do, considering there is at least one mother on this blogosphere that saw fit to express why she despises it.]

to me, mother’s day isn’t just about being a mother.  it’s the act of mothering that is cause for celebration and appreciation.  just like, to me, father’s day isn’t just about being a father.  this is well to do for a few reasons:

one:  my mother is (was?) my mother.  but in most ways, she was also my father.  i used to jokingly tell her “happy father’s day” on father’s day b/c as a single mother, she HAD to play both roles.  (this really is no snark to my actual father… i’m sure he did the best he could from the far away place he was, which wasn’t completely his doing, but this is certainly a topic for another dayor maybe never.)  and now that she is gone, mother’s day gives me a day – a real-live on-the-calendar day – to cook her food, plant her favorite flowers, flip through photo albums and just plain celebrate all that she has done for me.  to reflect on all of her spoken words and unspoken gestures.  to take the time to recall memories that i thought had so very much faded.  sure… i could do this everyday.  and most days, i DO do this.  but mother’s day gives me a day to plan this… a day to look forward to. 

two:  i may be a mother, but i am not the ONLY one that has a child-rearing or nurturing impact on silly monkey’s life.  he has my sister.  he has my brother.  he has my aunt.  all of who love him more than they even imagined possible.  i realize that there are far too many “mothers” and “fathers”  on this earth that exibit nothing other than the ability to reproduce, but since when did being a foster-mother or an adoptive mother or even a house-mother preclude you from being appreciated on one single day a year?  mother’s day isn’t just for those with the biological ability to BE a mother, it is SO much more.  in fact, in our home, we’ve instituted “auntie day” and will soon cement an “uncle day”.  i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy the drawings and gifts from silly monkey, but my favorite part of mother’s day (for the past 4 years… so far) have been our mother’s day naps… just me and silly monkey.  together.  resting.  snuggling.  bonding.

three:  even if you completely disagree with one and two, continue to shake your head and blame hallmark for all the silly holidays it has created over the course of the past billion years… if you are here to read my ranting words, you yourself HAVE a mother.  so give her one day to show your appreciation.  lord only knows that you probably make it pretty difficult to love you on a regular basis (as is true with most people in general).  and if your relationship with your mother isn’t all that stereotypical mother’s day card speak dictates, then celebrate the fact that although it’s less than perfect (and maybe even downright crappy or even unmentionable), your simple existence means your mother gave you one thing you are required to appreciate… your life.  biologically.  physically.  financially.  emotionally.  check all that apply.  b/c at least ONE will.

so to all of the child-less women in the world… go ahead and HATE mother’s day.  but choose a day to celebrate YOUR mother, while i celebrate MINE and silly monkey celebrates HIS.  and know, deep down, that those of us with children not-so-secretly envy you for your ability to have nice things in  your homes and walk around without sticky clothing. 

and to my mother…

i miss you.  my heart aches.  and i am SO grateful for having a mother that makes me feel this way, each and every day.