Posted on May 13, 2010


i had a very enlightening conversation with a co-worker today, after i jokingly told him i “need a man” when he asked “what’s new?”.  after semi-lengthy hallway speak (in which he left his intern waiting – oops), he said:

1.  he couldn’t quite understand why this would be the case
2.  he was surprised by my lack of dating and/or relationship status
3.  he would certainly notice & approach  me if he saw me out
4.  i am not a girl that would be easily ignored
5. he does not believe i should place any of the blame on the extreme population of passive-aggressive men in this town (as such, i should WANT a passive-aggressive man b/c if he is just aggressive, he has learned to use it.) (OOOOHHH he is so right on that!)

after explaining that it wasn’t necessarily for lack of trying or a lack of not trying, it was just… not there, he deemed me approachable only by those i want to be approached by… and completely unapproachable by all others.  then stamped his comments with a “but i wouldn’t suggest changing anything.”

i could only laugh.  it’s true.  i totally agree.  i actually took his words as compliments.  and i am so NOT offended by his observation.  i mean, how can i be?

i’ve spent that last two years dating off&on.  none of those dates surpassed any of my expectations or met my standards.  albeit, my standards are pretty high and my expectations are of equal status, but every single man i have spent time with in these past two years has left me feeling one thing… irritated.  and that is ONE thing i cannot live with.  if you annoy me, you must go…

the thing is, dating has become a chore.  i have heard countless people tell me i need to meet someone.  settle down already.  like, wtf?  even my own grandmother told me it’s not good for me to be single, adding “especially with a little one”.  but why?  why do i HAVE to be with someone?  can’t i just be by myself?  can’t i be single and happy?  or does happiness have to  equate to a single person melding into a duo.  (ew.  i can’t believe i just typed that!)

for the first time in over ten years, i am comfortable being me.  in fact, i like me a whole lot.  perhaps the reason why all of those “dates” ended as just a string of “dates” is b/c i wasn’t ready to make them more than “dates”.  in fact, had they become more than “dates”, i’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have lasted simply b/c i wouldn’t have had the time, energy or patience that a new relationship requires.  (and i was annnoyed, so of course, that didn’t help any.)

[sure.  call me self-absorbed.  but the time i spent focusing on myself did wonders to my heart.  my mind.  and just plain me, as a whole.  so thank goodness i allowed myself to be so self-absorbed.  in a good way, anyway.]

so what do i do now?  throw myself at a man b/c he offers to buy me a drink (that i wouldn’t drink, b/c i generally don’t drink)?  make a list of things i “can” and “can’t”  live with and whittle it down?  i could spend days making that list…

*  use proper grammar (most of the time)
*  know how to spell (typos exempt)
*  have a job.  a real one.  not a paper route or stuffing the “bag”.
*  have good hygiene.  shower daily.  wash face.  brush teeth.
*  have a good relationship with parents.  siblings.  friends.
*  NOT drink daily.  or binge drink.
*  NOT do drugs.
*  like children.  or just mine.  either/or.
* NOT be an idiot.  or act like one in public.

shall i go on?  am i really asking too much?  is any of that unreasonable?  i’m going to go with a BIGfatNO!

[i hate to say that i’m a cynic when it comes to dating/relationships, but if there’s one thing i’ve learned since my divorce, it’s that i only have so much to give.  and it goes to silly monkey.  dating/relationships shouldn’t be like having a child.  not one single person should have to giveGIVEgive until there’s nothing left.  i spent over 8 years giveGIVEgiving with nothing to show for and nothing in return.  i won’t do it again.  i won’t settle again.  and i shouldn’t have to.]

i know more people in terribleAwfulUnloving relationship-land than in happyFunCan’tLiveWithoutYou coupledom.  where is the happy medium?  does it exist?  or is that just friendship?  with or without benefits?

so maybe i could work on the whole approachable thing.  make myself a bit more aware of my surroundings.  be more open.  be less selfish.

i suppose i can do at least that.  but i still say “let it fall where it may”… b/c this gal waits for no one.