JOYFUL SORROW…

Posted on May 20, 2010

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after dropping silly monkey off at school this morning, i sat sobbing in my car for what felt like an hour.  it was probably only a few minutes. 

today is silly monkey’s penultimate preschool class.  only one left before my baby has a full year of real school  under his belt.  i leafed through the adorable portfolio his teachers put together, which included photos of him interacting with his classmates, participating in art projects and sitting quietly and intently listening to direction.  interspersed were drawings and his first real handwriting samples – one from january and another from this very month.   

the last page was his final report card.  he exceeded all expectations, except one, which he happily met – controlling his own behavior, which, let’s face it, what four-year old can actually do that? 

it feels like just yesterday that i brought my perfect newborn home from the hospital.  in reality, it’s been over four years. 

 i am so proud of my silly monkey.  he’s faced so many changes in his short four years – more than most kids experience in a lifetime.  he’s persevered to become as well-adjusted as can be expected, if not more.  he’s intelligent and talkative, independent and loving.  and when he’s with me, he is a happy and accomplished child. 

unfortunately, looking back at his first year feels like a blur.  it was during the time that my mother was ill and then passed.  there were so many distractions that i’ve continued to feel cheated on a year when SO much happens in a little guy’s life.  most of those distractions faded only to be replaced with other distractions, personal demons and lack of time. 

and now that he’s four, i just can’t place the time and how it could have possibly gone by so quickly.  it’s unimaginable, but oh so real.

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