HOW “THEY” RUINED SEX AND THE CITY…

Posted on June 2, 2010

0


i generally don’t review movies.  i do sometimes when i’m bored or have worse content to blog about.  or when i’m totally touched by a flick and they make me bawl my eyes out. (ie.  no reservations).  but, like i said, i generally don’t review movies.

but, guess what!!!  you’re in for a treat b/c i am going to sortaKINDA review sex and the city 2.  why?  b/c i’m pissed.  read on if you care about my genuine care for these fictional, yet infuriating people and my take on how they crapped-up my precious guilty pleasure.  or if you’re just curious for spoilers…

**seriously.  spoilers abound.  stop reading RIGHT NOW, if you don’t want to be spoiled.***

CHARLOTTE

the nutshell:  charlotte is going crazy caring for her darling adoptive daughter, lily, and her equally crazy and non-stop crying toddler, rose (who, by the way, could totally pass for harry’s child).  they have a full-time “hot” nanny, with a ridiculous accent, that doesn’t ever wear a bra & samantha implants (pun intended) “cheater” thoughts in charlotte’s head, which just makes her even more neurotic.

my take:  wtf?!  if you have a full-time nanny, why are you doing everything on your own?  i suppose the bigger point is why do you HAVE a full-time nanny if you are doing everything on your own?  though, even bigger, why would you ever consider hiring a woman with giant unstrapped tatas to flail around in front of your husband and children?

the end:  she finally admits she can’t do it all and accepts some time to herself.  the “hot” nanny ends up being a lesbian (go figure).  and of course, HARRY WOULD NEVER CHEAT on charlotte!  happy ending.  of course.  OH and i don’t think she has ever looked better.  the woman defies the logic of all aging.

SAMANTHA

the nutshell:  samantha is going through menopause, though finds alternative treatments (ala humus and sweet potatoes) to stave off symptoms (ie.  hot flashes and loss of libido).  after reuniting with smith (and not in a romantic way), she meets a sheik who invites her and the gals to spend a week at his new resort in abu dabi (which was actually filmed in morocco).  samantha’s “drugs” are taken away and she spends most of the film sucking down (pun intended) humus and sweet potatoes  and disrespecting the citizens of the country she is visiting.

my take:  again, wtf?!  i’m all for alternative treatments and would be upset that they were taking away, had that been me, but her behavior in the middle east was just appalling?  not covering “it” up.  sex on the beach.  cursing to locals.  really?!  after she’s arrested for (essentially) indecent exposure, carrie sums it up best by saying samantha is the same today as she was when they met years & years ago.  a CHILD!  a slutty child, at best.  and if it can be helped, i’d rather not revisit crap about getting older, but not growing up.

the end:  samantha’s behavior gets the gals kicked out of the hotel.  it also almost gets them murdered in the middle of a spice market.  but alls well that ends well with samantha getting her “creams” (no pun intended) back.  [quite frankly, i don’t even remember how her story ends exactly b/c i stopped caring about her after the first 5 minutes.]

MIRANDA

the nutshell:  miranda has problems with a new partner at the firm, who literally puts his hand in her face every time she starts to speak.  she’s unhappy that she isn’t spending much time with her family due to an overloaded schedule and is upset to be missing so much going on in brady’s life (on a tangent… is it brady brady now that steve and miranda are married?  maybe, brady hobbes brady?).  so miranda finally has enough with work, quits her job, makes it to brady’s school thing (science fair?) where he wins first place (of course) and becomes all fun and adventurous on the trip to abu dabi.

my take:  good for miranda.  she finally took charge and did something about being unhappy.  BUT… since when is she unhappy with her job?  didn’t she LOVE it?  granted, her partner was an ass, but in true SATC fashion, wouldn’t she have berated him and then taken over?  i don’t know.  but they made miranda roll over and play totally different person.  much like they did to steve in the first film (cheater, cheater – i hate what they did to him!). her super smiles, planned camel rides and trips to the spice market just seemed out of place and strange.  i mean, since when does miranda cook?  it was all…  just not the miranda we know & love.  steve was all but missing from the movie, which is probably a good thing b/c he’s still a cheater and needs a punch in his no-backbone face.

the end:  miranda bonds with charlotte over the difficulties of motherhood, gets a new job where everyone wears flirty & floral prints and really, just learns to enjoy life.  good for her.  sort of.

CARRIE

the nutshell:  carrie and big celebrate their second wedding anniversary by sharing thoughts on children (no thanks).  carrie gives big a rolex (nice) and he gives her a giant flat screen tv, with the promise of watching old b&w movies together, in bed.  he replies to her gift with a “wow”, she replies to his with a “oh hells no, where’s my jewelry?!”.  carrie is still on the prowl for a good night out, while big just wants to spend time with his wife at home.  and after carrie spends a few days away, big comes up with a not-so brilliant plan to take 2 days a week “off”.  carrie tells him “ok”.  blah blah blah skip to morocco, i mean, abu dabi… carrie runs into aidan in a market (really?!) and they go to dinner after she yells at charlotte for doing nothing to stop her own husband from cheating on her.  after dinner, drinks and a long talk about their marriages and his kids, they kiss.  she runs off, freaks out and calls big to confess, who responds with a matter of fact “i’m busy, buh bye”.

my take:  can they make carrie any less likeable?  at one point, she asks big if she’s the “bitch wife that always nags”.  and in that moment, i was shaking my head YES!!!  she has exactly what she’s always wanted.  a HUGE penthouse apartment overlooking nyc – with a closest larger than my entire house, FILLED with amazing shoes and ridiculously ugly clothes.  the man of her dreams.  a lucrative career.  what more can gal ask for?  apparently, a lot!  i’m not so sure what the problem is with take out and lounging on the couch with your love.  hasn’t she learned that it’s not what you do, it’s who you do it with?  in fact, if she doesn’t want big, i’ll take him.  and OMG… kissing aidan?  i hate them both!  they ruined him.  he was the guy that was heartbroken when carrie cheated on him.  he was relationship guy.  he was perfect man, dammit!  why?!!

the end:  carrie arrives home to an empty apartment (sans flat screen bedroom tv) and throws herself a pity party.  big arrives home and tells her she hurt him and then presents her with a GIGANTIC black diamond ring as punishment and a reminder that she is a married woman.  blech.  another cheater being rewarded for bad behavior.

IN CLOSING…

ok.  so it sounds like i hated this movie.  i really didn’t (hate is such a strong word).  it was entertaining.  it was colorful.  and in majority, it followed the satc gals and guys we fell in love with years & years ago (especially anthony & standford getting married – LOVE this, LOVE them, hated carrie’s hair/hat – OMG, really?!).  i felt like it was all plausible, considering their character’s characters, even if it was a bit over the top.  the fashion was pretty blah, with the exception of carrie’s red/orange sundress (want it!).

in all, i left the theater feeling semi-satisfied.  i got my satc fix.  let’s just hope this is the last installment.  b/c if they ruin big, after all of his redemption, i’ll have to set flames to ALL of my SATC dvds.

Advertisements
Posted in: useless stuff