GOING BACKWARDS…

Posted on February 8, 2011

0


well that didn’t go as planned.

over the past month or so, a friend of mine has been sorta kinda seeing this guy (and yes.  she tells me everything!!).  they’ve known each other since high school, but weren’t really friends.  he apparently saw her from afar, but she always had a crappy boyfriend of some sort.  since the timing seemed to be right, and he was actually in town for a while, they started spending some time together.  he texted her cute little “nice things” (ie.  “when can i see you again?”  and “i was thinking about you”) and she apparently, completely and totally read WAY TOO FAR into them (though i wouldn’t b/c those are certainly not casual things to say).

on their first “date”, they talked about dating.  she told him how much she hated it.  she explained that she had a lot of first dates b/c she doesn’t spend time, what little free time she has, with those she doesn’t feel could yield a long-term and meaningful relationship.  of course, she carefully explained that she didn’t NEED that now, but whoever was pursuing her had to at least be open for it.  he remained silent.  and at the end of the night.  he kissed her.

and she had a problem.

they saw each other twice after that.  once where they acted like giddy teenagers – fogging up car windows, followed by a few more cutesy messages.  after, that, they planned a night in – watching movies and such.  and in a vulnerable moment, she told him if anything were to go further with them, she couldn’t be casual about it.  and all he heard were birds chirping “commitment”, “commitment”, “commitment”.  and she was frustrated b/c her attachment wasn’t to him, it was to herself.

and then she didn’t hear from him.

now, in all fairness, she knew he wasn’t staying indefinitely.  he made it very clear that he intended to go back to where he came from – their time was probably very limited.  she knew this, but kept herself open b/c she unfortunately liked him far more than she had ever anticipated (and she is not a gal that likes people).  she wasn’t ready for anything serious and figured, this is perfect… for now – anything can happen, plans change and my gah, he seems like an amazing person.  the problem was that he was never open to it.  he had drawn a line.  (though, i do have to give him props for not telling her what she wanted to hear just to get in her pants.  totally a respectful thing to do.)

over a few texts and a very abrupt conversation, she told him she felt slightly used.  she told him she felt as though she was a placeholder – someone to keep him warm, someone to keep him company and when things didn’t go his casual and merry way, he ran away.  she told him she was upset b/c he knew she wasn’t “casual girl”, yet still pursued her, knowing full well that he had no intention of anything but casual.  he didn’t like her words.  he got mad.  and he put the nail in the coffin.

and here in-lies the problem:  she thought she had been clear.  he thought she was complicated.  she had more to say.  he didn’t want to listen.

she’s not weepy b/c she’s stronger (and far too logical/realistic for that), but she is, as she says, disappointed.  and i get it.  i totally get it.  she spent the past week putting far too much energy into turning something she needed to say to him into something she did wrong. and after talking it out with her amazing friends, she may still not get it and may be all-out confused, but she is certainly thankful that she didn’t compromise herself in a moment of weakness.

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