I THINK YOUR WHOLE LIFE SHOWS IN YOUR FACE AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF THAT…

Posted on March 11, 2011

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i am PROUD (–adjective:   feeling pleasure or satisfaction over something regarded as highly honorable or creditable to oneself). extremely proud of two amazing people who have blessed my life in more ways than either of them could ever imagine.  and it’s not b/c i don’t tell them.  it’s b/c they have humility and modesty and a sense of self.

this past week was big.  and i mean BIG!!

my big sister and little brother both graduated from college.  she in massage therapy.  he in nursing.  none of us have ever really been on the right track at the right time, so the fact that both of them focused and finished in such a successful manner just makes my heart happy.

my sister and i were talking the other night about J.  the idea that he may never have had the foresight or the desire to pursue nursing had he never watched our mother wither away to nearly nothing,  had he never sat by her bedside wishing her a cure, had he never held her hand and wished he had the power to make her better.  but it happened.  and it was awful.  but he took the awful and beat the living crap out of it simply b/c he could.  when i tell him i’m proud of him, he says “thanks”.  when i tell him our mother would feel the same way, he makes a joke about his expensive pin.  but it’s not a joke.  it’s amazing.

and then there’s mich.  the girl who i never thought needed anyone for anything showed us all that perhaps she did need someone to push her along, in some way… in some silent way.  the girl who talked and talked and talked for years about her attraction to alternative medicine and her passion for massage therapy.  the girl who did research enough to write a dissertation on the topic, but never had it in her to just jump in with both feet.  the girl who put her entire life on hold to care for my child while she sat nearly 24 hours a day with our dying mother.  this girl has no clue how proud i am of her for proving to the world just how bright she is.

my mom’s last request to me was to make sure J and mich would always be ok.  and i promised her i would do anything i could or should.  and for a while, i felt like i had to do something, anything to make sure of that.   but, i’m not so sure i need to do anything anymore, if i ever needed to do anything at all.  they are obviously two amazing people that can do it all on their own.  the truth is, i think my mom knew they never truly needed me to actually take care of them.  perhaps it was just her way of keeping us all together. and now, here i am, a mom without her mom who just hopes that she is the mom her mom would be proud of.

so, i am proud.  ridiculously proud.  more than a lifetime’s worth.

** post title = lauren bacall

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Posted in: family stuff