Posted on March 14, 2011


DAY SIX:  i see this chart everyday…

there’s nothing special about this schedule, aside from the fact that it’s a constant reminder of what happens when you carelessly choose your mate, ignore all the bad they carry behind them and pretend like you live in fantasy cinderella-land.  (granted, some of it was cinderella-like.  i mean, i did the cooking and cleaning, all the while enduring incessant insults.)

i have to live every single day knowing that i won’t see silly monkey’s beautiful face every single day b/c the choices i made, the behavior i accepted and the words i took at face value created a world for him that no child should ever have to endure.

i am thankful that he is too young to remember what it was like for “mommy & daddy” to be together (which would certainly bring him nightmares).  in fact, he was shocked when i told him that “mommy & daddy” were actually married at one point.  and, oh my, lived together!!! instead of inquiring about why that was no longer, he burst into laughter and told me i was silly.

so, yes, i have to look at that schedule every single day.  and i have to miss him for more days of the week than any mother will ever find acceptable.  but, i could never regret anything that has happened in my life more than i regret having silly monkey.  and i don’t regret for a second, not even with an ounce of my being, having him.  monkey has made me more of who i am today, than the past three years have spent making up for who i was.

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