Posted on June 30, 2011


let’s hypothetically say that children tell their mothers everything.  and let’s continue to hypothesize this b/c children, really,  have no filter.  whatsoever.  and let’s say that these children talk & talk & talk & talk even more when they’re happy, comfortable and engaged.  and perhaps, again, hypotheticize that some variation of the following conversation took place…

mommy, daddy kisses TWO girls!
silence ** hmmmm…
but [the ex/current/other] doesn’t live with him.  and his new friend doesn’t either.  but she sleeps over all the time.  she thinks i’m funny. 
well, that’s b/c you are funny!  do you think she’s funny? 
no.  i don’t kiss her. only daddy does.  i only kiss one girl.
and who would that be?

and let’s hypothetically say that someone asked for my thoughts…

how about… uh, ewwww!  what kind of respectable parent parades multiple partners around their child(ren)?   it’s one thing to see multiple people or even have them in your bed, but to put it out there in front of innocent little eyes?  no thank you!

am i on glue or does anyone else see the problem with this picture? 

for me, personally, i would never bring a man around monkey until i was certain of the level of committment between myself and that (very, veryVERY, lucky) man.  it’s not fair to monkey and it’s not fair to that man.  in fact, i once broke it off with someone who insisted he meet monkey – which i found off-putting and ultimately, creepy.  and in dating more than one man at the same time, i was obviously not at committment point b/c, um, hello… not monogamy.  but that’s just how i work, of course.

children become very attached to people.  and let’s face it, if you’re in the beginning of a relationship, your new girl/guy is going to be on his/her super best behavior with that child (at meeting & for months, at least), in order to show you that OMGosh… your kid LOVES ME!!  and in turn, that child will love them back.  the attachment is natural.  they have no choice – this new person will talk to them, play with them, show them affection – all in a bid to win your heart.  the problem is, if you do that when your relationship is immature and non-committal (and especially if there are other parties involved), that new girl/guy will eventually disappear leaving your child heartbroken and confused. 

of course, this is just my opinion.  i want better for monkey.  i don’t want people to come into his life, just to disappear – be that a day, a month or even a year later.  and considering i have to “share” monkey, there is ample time for me to get to know someone new, without forcing him into my mommy/monkey puzzle, immediately.  who’s to say that wouldn’t happen after committment?  of course there’s that chance that it doesn’t work out.  but why rush it?  why force it?  why create an inevitable situation, where one need not be created?

it’s, hypothetically, a very unfortunate situation.  especially when i begin to feel pity for a certain party that i should never have those feelings for. hypothetically, of course.  i wouldn’t want to have to juggle or ask monkey to keep secrets.  b/c, eventually, the truth comes out.  and the only one that would really get hurt, would be monkey.   single parents have to strike a happiness balance.  they have to realize that sometimes, it’s ok to be alone – it’s ok to just be you and the kid(s).  things will eventually fall into place, when they’re ready and right, but we should anticipate it to cause minimal amounts of damage to everyone involved, especially the tots.   far be it for me to tell anyone else how to raise their child(ren).  my point is simply this – put your child before anything and anyone (two, three or four!) else.  and don’t just do it b/c you HAVE to, do it b/c you WANT to and b/c it’s just the right thing to do.  if there’s one thing i’ve learned from my single mom, it is just that. 

if that statement above, hypothetically, came out of silly monkey’s mouth, i would ask him how he feels about it.  he would likely tell me that i’m prettier than both of them and ask me to play with legos.  b/c that’s the thing with my monkey, not only does he think i hung the moon, he also knows that at home, he comes before anyone and anything else. 

Posted in: mommy stuff