Posted on November 5, 2012


day five:

i am thankful for my memory.  although it can be cruel {replaying past hurts} or downright nasty {confusing me when i’m mid exam, only to resurface after i’ve already left the classroom}, it never fails to give me what i absolutely need – happiness.

i have a virtual bank full of heartwarming thoughts of my mom’s laugh, monkey’s chubby baby legs, the rainbow brite bike i had when i was 7, my summers on the beach in Santa Cruz, concerts with my mom & sister, watching my bro play in his {billboard chart rated} band, my divorce {!!!}, finding real LOVEloveLOVE and the kicks i feel from babyA.  but i also have a systematic holding cell of difficult thoughts –  watching my mother wither away to nothing, hearing her last breaths and nearly four years of fighting for the best for my monkey.

i live a life without regret.  sure, i look back and think “well, that was stupid.”  but i have only the things in my life today that i have worked hard to keep in my life.  lessons on what i need and didn’t want.  lessons on who i trusted and will never trust again.  lessons on what to hold onto and what to push away.  lessons on what makes me ME and what makes me shake my head and giggle.

i am thankful for a memory that allows me to love everyday, laugh everyday and live everyday.  as cruel as it may be at times, it is there for me.  a strong companion.  a supportive friend.