Posted on May 30, 2013


dear silly monkey –

you did it!  you successfully argued with me every day before school!  but more importantly, you completed your very first year of real grade school.  way to go, monkey!!

so, just like every letter before, and in typical mommy fashion, here are three things i would like to apologize for:

1.  i’m sorry for making you kiss & hug me in front of your friends.  don’t worry, though, it won’t ever change.  ever!  you are my first baby, my first true love, and with every hug & kiss and little embrace, you make my heart open just enough to let you go just a teeny bit more.  trust me, it’s for the greater good.  similar to me forcing you to hold my hand – even though you generally put yours out to me before i even reach.

2.  i’m sorry i made you rush to get dressed (in a nice! shirt), brush your teeth and sit with me to take photos.  again, trust that it’s for the greater good.  i have so few pictures with grandma and i don’t want you to ever look back and think, “i wish i had more to show my kids”.  plus, i need a new photo of us for the “mommy and me” frame b/c i look severely chunky in the last one.

3.  i’m sorry i looked at you “like that”.  and i’m sorry i asked you to “stop growing”.  i certainly don’t mean it in a literal sense.  i want you to grow & be strong & happy, but at the same time, since i’ve already grown and am strong & happy, i know your innocence won’t last forever.  i am so terrified that the day you learn that “pay back” means something other than owing someone money, you’ll also lose the very essence of being a kid.  this world is a scary place, filled with terrible things & terrible people, but you can count on the fact that i will go to the ends of the earth to let you learn these things when you’re good & ready, not when the world decides a seven-year old needs to know how awful people can be to each other.  will i share enough to prepare you?  certainly.  i realize there is a fine line between being too paranoid and letting go enough to allow you to grow into your own person. {i will also teach you not to write such long, run on sentences.  sorry, dude.  i freestyle it.}

and here are three things i want you to remember, forever:

1.  never demand “answer me” when i have already provided you with an answer.  you may not like my answer, but it does not mean i have not responded.  and on that note, don’t act like you’re me.  you haven’t earned your grown up stripes yet.  you have several years and children to rear before you earn that honor.

2.  cake pops and pop tarts are not breakfast, no matter that you can buy them with your morning coffee and the box says “part of a wholesome breakfast”.  marketing, not truth.  you will learn as you grow – whether it be b/c your mama is a staunch & experienced businesswoman or b/c i just say no.  a lot.  sugar is not for breakfast.

3.  you will go farther in life being a respectful person than you will with one million dollars in your hands.  money gets spent, taken in taxes & stolen by greed, but being a respectful person is something you can never, ever lose or have stolen.  and while i would love to have a million dollars, i would rather have raised a boy who respects his elders, belongings and self.  it is the ultimate gift every parent seeks in their offspring.  money is not the only thing that makes us wealthy.

and then, of course, there’s all this mushy stuff to say…

you are right.  i am not fat.  i am not ugly.  and i am the most beautiful mommy ever.  thank you for reminding me that beauty isn’t always what you see in yourself, or in the mirror.  beauty truly is about the heart and you are my heart – my most beautiful, amazing & loving boy.  the lesson here is that it’s not always the grown ups that teach the kids.  we learn from everyone in our lives and every experience brings new lessons and growth.  remember this and you will never be jaded, ignorant or angry.

monkey, you are so very intelligent.  you read fluently at a third grade level, which means you are light years ahead of most kids your age.  you are creative & artistic (like your mama and grandma), super smart, passionate and loving.  time goes by so quickly, but i want you to know how much i cherish every moment we share, every conversation we have & every (lactose free) ice cream cone you bogart.

i found & read your school journal (i hope you don’t mind).  in it, i found this entry you wrote a few days after your sister was born, one of the firsts after holiday break…

journaland i’ll have you know that it makes my heart melt – into a soppy, weepy, cartoonish puddle of tears.  i’ll have you know that i cried buckets when i read it!  no joke – it make me so happy that i couldn’t contain myself.  i totally want to frame it, so give some more thought to letting me tear it out of your precious notebook.  (by the way, we’ll be working on your spelling this summer.  love you!)

do you recall when you told me you would protect buggy from all the boys and all the bullies?  i believe you!  and i’m counting on it!!  so is B!

you are the best big brother in the whole world!  buggy loves you so much, too, monkey.  you can make her smile & laugh like none other.

in addition to being the most super rad big brother, you are also the best son in the universe.  i am so honored to be your mother.

b/c how much do i love you?  to the moon and back… moon and back… moon and back.  i love you with my whole heart.  more than anything else in this entire world.  and i could be no prouder to be your mama.


p.s.  you freakin’ rock your new glasses.  most handsome boy, ever.  keep them on your face or i will seriously glue them on.  your eyes work better when you can actually see things!  for real.