CHEEKY MONKEY…

a few years ago, i bought silly monkey a cheeky monkey (and promptly sold the webkinz tag code on ebay, b/c seriously??  not quite)…

he carried it around for a good while…

and then, after a few months, cheeky monkey stayed in silly monkey’s bed, never to see the light of day again…

UNTIL…

COME ONE, COME ALL, TO THE GREATEST CIRCUS OF THEM ALL: THE KOOPALING BROS. CIRCUS, GREATEST SHOW IN DINOSAUR LAND. BECAUSE OF ME, BIG MOUTH, THE GREATEST RINGLEADER OF THEM ALL, MASTER TAMER OF DANGEROUS DINOSAURS, MASTERMIND OF THE AMAZING MECH-KOOPAS, LORD OF ALL HE SURVEYS, PROVEYOR OF…

when did fruit get this big?

i mean, i have a big mouth, but this whole pound apple is ridiculous.

** post title = morton, super mario world, “send in the clown”

BUT THANKSGIVING IS MORE THAN EATING, CHUCK. YOU HEARD WHAT LINUS WAS SAYING OUT THERE. THOSE EARLY PILGRIMS WERE THANKFUL FOR WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO THEM, AND WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL, TOO. WE SHOULD JUST BE THANKFUL FOR BEING TOGETHER. I THINK THAT’S WHAT THEY MEAN BY “THANKSGIVING”, CHARLIE BROWN…

in honor of the holiday that is supposed to but generally doesn’t brings thanks, i present to you, all most some ten of the people/things i am most thankful for (in no particular order)…

1.  the ability to breathe.  sometimes silently.  sometimes heavily.  sometimes rapidly.  but i breathe each day in and each day out.  b/c i can.  no matter what those days bring.  in.  and out. 

2.  silly monkey.  we’re unbreakable.  equal to none other.  he wants me when he’s happy and he wants me when he’s sad.  i am the one he asks for above all others.  i am mommy.  and he is my silly monkey.  the love and laughter between the two of us could be enough to bring world peace. 

3.  family.  i love my family.  they are the only ones who have stayed, despite me pushing them away.  they listen.  they support.  they entertain my quirks.  and why?  b/c they love me.  more specifically…

4.  mich.  my best friend.  my sister.  my movie buddy.  my pie eating companion.  my judge.  my jury.  all wrapped into one tiny little size zero package.  what i would do without her is something i’ll never be prepared to live.  the same for…

5.  J.  my bro.  my pal in silliness.  my inappropriate comment partner.  my supporter.  my helper.  my voice of reason, even if i get all worked up b/c i just must disagree.  all wrapped into one tall and tattooed package. 

6.  the korean aunts.  my mothers in disguise.  one with the hugs and sympathy.  one with the advice and wisdom.  both with more love to give than any one single person ever deserves. 

7.  my home.  MY home.  my home that i pay the mortgage on and insure.  my home that i’ve painted and decorated and stained and torn.  MY HOME.   owned by me.  to share with silly monkey.  a home.  a real home. 

8.  memories.  all of them.  good and bad.  and photos to go with 99% of those memories.  b/c if that’s all i had, i would be content.  everything else can be replaced. 

9.  freedom.  granted i was free to do as i pleased for nearly two years, it wasn’t until nov 10th that i was finally and legally unchained from a past filled with more hurt than anyone should ever have to suffer in a lifetime.  and while that past will haunt me for at least 15 more years, i’ve come to realize that it’s more mind than matter. 

10.  living.  loving.  learning.  laughing.  for which only lack of control can make more meaningful. 

thank you. 

thank you to breathing.  thank you to silly monkey.  thank you to family… thank you to mich.  thank you to J.  thank you to the aunts.  thank you to home.  thank you to memories.  thank you to freedom.  thank you to living and loving and learning and laughing. 

thank you.

** post title = marcie, a charlie brown thanksgiving, 1973

IT’S A LIKE A FULL SET OF ENCYCLOPEDIAS…

CHILDREN BEGIN BY LOVING THEIR PARENTS; AFTER A TIME, THEY JUDGE THEM; RARELY, IF EVER, DO THEY FORGIVE THEM…

there is no worse feeling, as a mother, than watching your child suffer.  be it an illness, physical pain or something regrettably emotional, it’s something i would trade needles in my eyes with, if i could…

LESS DRAMA, MORE QUEEN…

i love this girl. 

she’s witty and articulate and intelligent and blunt and to the point and tell it like it is and not afraid to let herself be heard.  she’s appreciative.  she’s loving.  she’s a mom that loves being a mom, even if it wasn’t in her original plans.  she’s not afraid to admit when she’s wrong.  and the girl can write. 

funny thing is, i’ve never actually met her and her south african self.  in fact, i don’t believe i even know her real name.  a while back, we just started reading each other’s blogs, leaving comments and such.  so it’s a kind of virtual friendship of sorts, that eventually extended onto facebook.  the web really is an interesting network.

she recently posted this about her relationship and reasons to stay.  it got me thinking.  what if i had stayed?  what if i had tried harder?  what if i had just given in?  who would i  be?  what would i be? 

in answering those questions, i know that i made the absolute and proper choice to finally let go and say goodbye.  even if it meant i was giving up…

P… I… E…

time to go, silly monkey.  coat, please.
LOOK, mommy!
mittens.
i found my mittens!!
sure did.
now i can have some pie!!!!!
do you even like pie?
no.

RUBBLE…

i work downtown, off of a busy downtown street, across from a serene river and walking path, just a few blocks from our minor league baseball stadium and our major league hockey arena.  our office moved here about 6 years ago after outgrowing our old office space, with no thanks to our ranking in the top fattest cities in the country, i’m sure (i do my best to contribute to the office politics).

i wasn’t happy about moving the office.  it wasn’t the work that went into the packing and moving and unpacking, it was more so that we were in the heart of noName village and i loved it!  there  was underground parking and restaurants abound, all in walking distance, no less.  granted the office interior was something out of a miami vice episode, but whatever… THE HIGH BECK, DAMMIT!!

when i first checked out the new space, i didn’t have much to complain about, besides the no underground parking issue (which really is a huge perk considering it gets ridiculously cold and snowy and icy in the winter).  the office is huge.  my office is pretty spacious, given my role in the company, and the decor was… better (minus the weird paintings of ducks and war).  it was the surrounding area that had me worried.

the building was pretty new when we moved in, in a pretty undeveloped area of downtown – more industrial in sim city terms.  behind the office is a row of old, run down buildings that could pass for a factory in an old movie from the 40s.  the windows were broken out and it was pretty deserted, escape the fact that the area was inhabited by the homeless.  i’ve never been too afraid to leave the office, but it’s probably b/c 1.  i normally leave before the office closes and 2.  if i leave after dark, i usually don’t head out alone.  there are no horror stories to report.  everything, thus far (**knock on wood** and yes, i did literally knock on my desk), has been just fine and not something i’ve thought much about… until now.

you see, the city just passed the casino issue, meaning, well, we’re getting casinos.  i think it’ll be a great boost for our economy and job market, even if millions (if not billions) of the city’s, correct me if i’m wrong, just increased tax dollars are going into this project.  it’ll be a neat-o new place to go and play blackjack (b/c i am such a pro) and hang out with the girls.

what i’m not excited about is perhaps requiring our non-existent security to escort me to my car so i won’t be mugged by the crazies and gambling addicts that think i have dollars to spare b/c these new casinos are going up right behind my office where they’ve been tearing down those poor beautiful brick buildings for months now…

but whatever, the plans sure do look pretty.

“WHY DO THE STARS COME OUT?” asked Piglet. “IT GIVES US SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT” said Pooh…

it’s november 16th-ish.  and the christmas tree is up.  in fact, it went up yesterday.

i’ve been begging my sister to get it out for a week now.  i don’t know why.  it’s not even thanksgiving yet and i usually set everything up the day after.  but, i’ve felt like i needed it.  i needed to get the tree out,  i needed the glitter everywhere, i needed the gel clings on the windows, i needed the boxes of ornaments strewn about… i just NEEDED it all.

so.  she caved and we set up the tree…

i spent about two hours putting my ornaments on the tree, after i disaster area-d my upstairs hallway with my HUGE collection of some inherited, some not inherited hallmark ornaments.  i carefully unwrapped them, gently placed hooks and smiled at each and every one…

my mom’s favorite.  frosty friends.  she had EVERY one of these in the series.  except one.  the first one.  my brother and i looked for years for one on ebay.  never found one that was within a mortgage payment.  that would have been the best gift…

SIX MONTHS LATER…

i came across this survey that i had filled out about six months ago.  i thought it would be kinda fun (or not) to re-do it and see if anything changed

** new answer first, (old answer parenthetical) **